April Stocks
ENGL 2010
My New Outlook
One afternoon that was supposed to be a fun family outing once again for it seems the thousandth time turns almost upside down. While talking with my mom after we arrive up to the camp site I find out that a friend of my step-dad who would be joining us up camping for the day doesn’t like “black people” and especially doesn’t like interracial dating. The first feeling that comes to mind is anger and then next comes sadness. Do I sit idly by and act like I don’t know how he feels while he is here? Do I sit and keep my mouth shut if he looks at me, my husband, or my daughters with disgusted looks? Will it upset my step-dad if I say anything? Is it wrong for me to want to defend my interracial family? All of these feelings flood my mind and control my emotions until I can’t stand it anymore. Why should I let this ignorant comment ruin my day with my family that is supposed to be filled with fun, love, and laughter? I tell my mom how much it upsets me and she explains that it upsets her as well and that she hopes this friend of my step-dad doesn’t end up coming up and ruining the day we were trying to enjoy.
My husband is African American, I am Caucasian, and we have two daughters. One of our daughters is mine from a previous marriage and is Caucasian with dark blonde hair and crystal clear blue eyes. Our other daughter who we have together is half-African American and half-Caucasian with tight curly light blonde hair, light skin, and sparkling hazel eyes. We have had our share of these types of negative situations against our relationship that vary from one to another. Most of the time we get dirty looks from people showing their disgust in our interracial union. Sometimes it’s a sly comment that we are forced to pretend we didn’t hear unless we want a confrontation. Also we sometimes have situations like these ones that involve someone connected within our families or even once in a while a situation arises directly from someone within our families as well. Now, not all the interactions that we have regarding acceptance or non-acceptance of our interracial union are bad ones. We get many people that stop us and tell us just how beautiful our “mixed” race child is. Even though we get a fair share of smiles and sweet comments regarding acceptance of our union (mostly just commenting on our daughter) it is still hard to forget the bad interactions with people that we are faced with day to day.
Interracial relationships not only face the regular problems that other couples face but we also face the disapproving comments, looks, and confrontations from others within society. It angers, confuses, saddens, and frustrates me to hear of disapproval of our union, but why should I even care what others think or say? In the last few months I have really thought long and hard about the entire subject surrounding interracial relationships. I have done some extensive research to find out why society is the way it is regarding interracial relationships and what we can do to overcome the discrimination and racist views from others, not only for my own family but for all interracial relationships in general. After all the thought and research I have come to the conclusion that there really isn’t much we can say or do to persuade the people who are against interracial relationships to accept them. When a person does not approve of interracial relationships they most likely also hold racist views against specific races, and in all reality, those views are really hard to change. One person really opened my eyes to the whole subject when they stated that racist or prejudice views are typically emotional and not logical so it is hard to change people’s minds when there is no logic behind what they believe.
At this point in my life considering that I plan to be with my husband for the rest of my life, I realized what is going to be best for my stress levels is to just let it go. Yes, that’s right, it’s time to let go of the anger, sadness, and frustration that comes along with these negative interactions regarding my marriage. It’s is finally time for me to not care what anyone else thinks because ultimately the only people that should matter is who I want to matter. I guess for me this concept is easier than it can be for other people who are also in interracial relationships. I am lucky enough that the people who I am closest to understand, respect, and love my marriage and also the man who I am married to. For others it may not be as easy to not care what others think and to let go of all the negativity but for me I am hoping that this approach will work for now. I am going to try not to cry or even let the looks, comments, or negative situations bother me, instead I am going to focus on what is special about my marriage and my family. Not caring what others think or say about my marriage is going to be a very difficult task for me to accomplish but I know in the long run it is going to be what helps me deal with the negativity in the best way possible. I encourage anyone else who may be in the same situation as me to try to do the same. Think long and hard about your situation, are you truly happy in your relationship, and if so, then why should what other people think matter? Remember what is important is your happiness and not what others think about your happiness. Love is beautiful no matter what race, religion, age, or gender it comes from. I am only going to embrace my love from now on because my marriage is much more important than letting it go down with any of the negativity that I may encounter because of it.
